BFN

I took a test this morning... not even really sure why I took one. I knew before I even took it that it would be negative. I'm pretty sure I never even ovulated this cycle. I just want to be able to positively tell the dr when I call on Monday if AF doesn't show that I am indeed not pregnant. I knew that trying to get pregnant would have a lot of ups and downs but geez I didn't imagine how many downs it would be. I'm trying to be positive... I really am. I am actually a very positive and upbeat person and if you asked me to my face how I was doing I would smile and say great.... inside it is a different story. Inside I am not the smiling, happy girl I portray on the outside. I know I haven't been trying long but more than anything I just want to have a baby. This stress of not having regular cycles and worrying if there is something wrong with me making us incapable of ever having a baby is just too much. I am going to bible study and we have been reading Genesis. It seems like in Genesis everyone is trying to get pregnant, can't get pregnant, and then all of a sudden God allows them to be pregnant. I felt like my preacher was talking directly to me last week when he said sometimes we just have to let go because we are trying to control our lives too much. Sometimes we just need to let God do his thing (not exact words but that is the premise). I have been trying to just let go. I have started trying to not stress as much about if what I am doing is keeping me from getting pregnant and just being me... it is hard though.