Confused...?

Sooooo today I got a positive on my IC OPK!!! YAYYY!!! BUT... negative on my digital  with the same pee. WTH? I guess I will try another digital tonight and hopefully it will give me a smiley! I'm hoping to conceive a new year's baby! :)

Tomorrow?

Will it be tomorrow that I get a positive OPK? I hope so. I'm sick of seeing so close to positive but just not quite yet. I have had a lot more EWCM this cycle than I ever have. I thought because that started earlier that I might actually O a little earlier this time. Now, I'm not thinking I will. Last cycle I O'd on day 18... today is day 16 and still no positive. I'm hoping tomorrow will give me a positive and I will O on day 18 again. That will be new year's day! Our preacher came by to visit this morning and he prayed with us about ttc. That gave me a peace that made me believe that it will happen EXACTLY when it is supposed to happen. God knows what is best for us... and knows when we should have our little angel and he will allow us to have our angel when the time is right. Personally, I hope the time is right like now... haha. But I have to be patient and  know that in God's time it will happen.

Last night my best friend & her hubby came over to eat. We grilled out, watched a movie, and just hung out. It was a lot of fun! We are going to leave in a few to go shopping and then meet up with my brother and his fiance for dinner tonight. I love Christmas break! It is hard to believe it is back to work for me on Monday though. I do miss my kids but I love having all this time to be able to do whatever I want to  whenever I want to.

Diaper Rash Ointment, Baby Orajel, and Baby Powder... oh my!

I did it! I bought my very first baby item today! I can't explain the way it makes me feel... happy, excited, hopeful, apprehensive, mischievous, sad... there are so many feelings in it! DH has always said no when I've wanted to buy baby things in the past. It came down to losing some money and he was A-OK with it. We decided to do a FSA loan this year because last year our medical expenses were through the roof with me having to go to the ER and then having surgery & him going to the ER for kidney stones. Well, this year we have been much healthier and have not come close to spending all the money. They said we would lose the money if it wasn't spent by March & after the end of this month we can't buy any over-the-counter meds... so what did we do but go on a spending spree to buy any and all meds we could possibly need. So we went on drugstore.com and went to the FSA area and little ol' me saw the baby needs section. I said can we buy some stuff for the baby knowing he would say no but he agreed!!! I bought some baby orajel, baby powder, and diaper rash ointment... not too exciting but it is baby stuff!!!!

No smiley yet!

I got my package in the mail yesterday... I won the November giveaway. In it was a digital ovulation tester with 3 strips. I took my first one today and it wasn't a smiley face yet BUT I have been having super globs of EWCM since last night! I also did a regular OPK and it was very close to positive.... it has been very close to positive for 3 days now... UGH! Come on O!!!

You should have a baby...

That is what I heard ALL day today! I had my niece today and she kept saying... you should really have a baby. You are so good with kids. You are going to be a great mommy. Then when her mom came to pick her up she commented on how good my dog was with her puppy and that maybe we needed to get my dog a puppy so he could have a playmate. What does my niece say but... no he doesn't need a puppy... he needs a baby! AAAH! I'm trying... I'm trying!!!!

CD 12

Here is my CD 12 OPK....  not positive but close! Sorry about it being blurry! Can't wait to see when I o this cycle! :)

Merry Christmas!

Last night was wonderful. We had Christmas with my whole family. It was tons of fun seeing all the family... especially all the adorable kiddos that I don't get to see very often! It was a weird feeling thinking that possibly by next Christmas I could have a baby! One of my cousins (male one at that) asked us last night when we were going to have one.... it is so awkward. I don't want to be like "well we are humping as much as possible but it just isn't happening." lol! After Christmas there I went back to my brother's and helped him & his fiance get the kids to bed & set up Santa stuff. That was so much fun! I told dh when we left can you believe we might be doing this NEXT year if I get pregnant in the next few months we will have a sweet bundle of joy next Christmas!

Today we don't have very many plans until the afternoon... we are going to see what Santa brought my niece and nephews and having Christmas with dad. Then tonight Christmas at my mom's. We have already done Christmas with all of his family.

I hope all of you are having a wonderful Christmas!!

Sometimes...

Sometimes I get so caught up on the day to day drama that I forget to stop to remember all the beauty and happiness I have in my life. I get caught up in the stresses of the every day and especially in trying to get pregnant and forget all the wonderful things I am so fortunate to have. It takes a few days off from the world to really understand that.... to really get it. I have a wonderful life, family, friends, and the best husband a girl could ask for. I have a beautiful house, a wonderful job, and a very loyal and caring dog. I am happy! I wish I could just see this more often and be happy for all these wonderful things and not sweat the small stuff. Everything works out in the end. I will be a mom one day... whether we have one naturally, with IVF, adopt...I will be a mom which will only add to the great life I already have. Sorry if this was so cliche or corny. Most of my posts are so depressing and down because I always pour out my deepest feelings that I don't like to talk about out loud on here. I figured it was about time to discuss how happy and lucky I truly am.

Christmas Break!

It feels so good to be on Christmas break! Woohoo!! We got out at 12 today... the kids were absolutely wild so I hope they get all of their energy out before coming back in January! lol! I have so many things I want to get done over break I thought I would make a list here so then after break is over I can check to see how many of them are actually done...

1. Finish grading papers & put in gradebook
2. Revamp classroom website
3. Work on lesson plans
4. Type letter about student
5. Write thank you cards to my students for my Christmas gifts
6. Clean the house
7. Clean & organize office & spare bedroom
8. Finish reading Safe Haven
9. Start & maybe finish a new book
10. Ovulate and get pregnant (LOL)

I really hope to be able to accomplish most of those over break... especially #10. If I O on day 18 like last cycle I will be o'ing on January 1st. I'm hoping to make a new year's baby! That would also give me a due date of 9-24! I'm a September baby so maybe I'm supposed to have a September baby!

ramblings of a crazy person....

My title says ramblings of a crazy person because today that is honestly how I feel.... crazy. After reading what I typed I decided it made no sense and sounded like a crazy person had typed it. There... consider yourself warned.

1/2 day left and I am officially out for Christmas break! I am super excited. It also helped that today was a 2 hour delay so shorter than it was supposed to be. We will not be doing anything tomorrow except partying and watching a movie!!

I took my second dose of clomid today... definitely think it is making me moody... or maybe I'm just moody. But today I have had extreme highs & lows... on the verge of crying one second when a teacher was telling me to make sure I tried to plan when I decided I was ready to have a baby and that I didn't have a  baby due any time near Christmas because it just wasn't fair to the kid, then happy and blissful thinking about Christmas break, then on the verge of crying agin when a teacher that doesn't know I'm trying to get pregnant asked me if I was pregnant because I had "the look", then angry when my aid once again stepped on my toes, and the list goes on and on. I know moods change frequently but I have been having extreme changes today. Speaking of moods I just recently heard a quote on one of my favorite shows (One Tree Hill) that I absolutely fell in love with... "Happiness is a mood, not a destination." This is so true... don't always work hard to strive for happiness... enjoy it when you have it and it is ok not to be happy all the time.

clomid, goals, & mil

Today is day one of my second month of clomid. I hope it works as well or better for me than last time. Last time I O'd on day 18 which was a huge improvement from my usual O of day 26-57. I can only hope this time we actually get pregnant. I have been feeling kind of down lately that I am not pregnant yet. I had set all these timelines that I would be pregnant by or I would have a baby by... and they are all coming & going quickly. I thought I would be pregnant by my birthday... that is out.... by Christmas... that is out. Then I thought well I will have a baby by my next birthday.... that is out. Now I'm just hoping to have a baby by next Christmas. That gives us a few more months. I know I shouldn't set goals like that because  I really have no control over whether it comes true or not but I am a very goal oriented person. I have set goals all my life.  I am also the type that works really hard to make sure my goals happen so I think that is part of the reason I have been so down. I am trying to not feel so down and be positive but ttc is harder than I ever imagined it would be. I think once I get through Christmas I will feel better. I was just so hoping to be able to tell people at Christmas that I was pregnant and not being able to do that is really hard.

We told his mom last night that we were ttc. We decided it was time to tell her. It was actually kind of funny because after we decided to tell her she made a comment about us having a baby. She doesn't usually say anything to us and just says... when the time is right.

A little background to understand the comment: She is a big smoker and smokes inside her house. We hate to go over there because you can't breath in there and leave smelling like smoke. DH has been telling her for years that when we have kids they will not be going into that house because of her smoking in it. Mean, I know, but we have to look out for the health of our kids. She has said all along that she would quit once we had a baby.

Back to the story: So last night we were having his family's Christmas party at his grandma's house and she went outside to smoke. DH made a comment about her needing to quit and she said I will quit when you give me a grandbaby. Of course this led to everyone saying yeah... when is that going to happen (complete awkward situation). So after the party we went back to her house and told her we were trying and had been trying since July. I think she was very shocked. She immediately started looking at ways to quit smoking online. I can only hope that she actually follows through with this.

I am not a drinker...

This is obvious by the splitting headache I have this morning. I went out last night for my friend's birthday (yes the same friend that upset me) and had a drink at the resteraunt. Then when I got home I decided to fix myself another drink after all there is no way I was pregnant since it was only day 3 of my cycle. So I had another drink. This morning I have a POUNDING headache... ick! I haven't had a drink since I started trying to get pregnant though... so I haven't had a drink in roughly 6 months. I've never been a big drinker just a drink here or there but wow... do I feel like crap this morning.
On another note... *this may be TMI for some of you so close out if you don't want to hear details about AF*. I started AF on Wednesday and had major cramps and medium flow, Thursday it was very light and by afternoon I wasn't even spotting, Friday nothing. I have been very *cough, cough* frisky the last two days and dh and I ended up bd'ing Thursday night and Friday night and not even a drop of blood when I went to the bathroom afterwards. So basically I had a day and a half of bleeding. I typically have 3-5 days of AF. So what the heck is going on? I looked online and saw where clomid could shorten AF... but by that much? I have two more months of clomid prescribed so I plan on talking to the dr after I finish them if I'm not pregnant.

Snow day, new blog look, and hurt feelings!

Today is another snow day so in honor of having a day to bum around I have changed the look on my blog. I like it... what do you think?
My best friend kind of stepped on my toes today and really hurt my feelings. Today is her birthday and she is ttc as well. So I called her to tell her happy birthday and in talking she said she felt so old and that she was hoping that she was going to be pregnant by her birthday. I told her I totally understood where she was coming from because I had the exact feelings about my birthday. She is in the 2ww so she could be pregnant. I told her that at least she didn't start her period on her birthday like I did on my birthday. She got really snippy and said that she was a year older than me. Ok? Neither one of us that old as far as having a baby... 24 & 25. I really don't think age has anything to do with why we aren't pregnant right now. I felt like she was saying she should get pregnant before me because she was older. Dh said I'm being silly because she didn't actually SAY that. I told him well if she really wanted to get into it I could have gone into saying well I've been married 3 years longer than you! BUT I didn't because I know age, length of marriage, etc doesn't make someone want to have a baby more... I know we both desperately want to have a baby so why get into that crap when it doesn't mean a hill of beans? Ok, vent over... thanks for listening!

Happy Snow Day!!!

At least I have a snow day today so I can relax and get over my moping in peace! The snow is beautiful! We don't have a lot yet but it is coming down pretty steady. I'm hoping we get enough to be out for Christmas break. Unfortunately we are supposed to be going Monday & 1/2 day Tuesday too so unless we get the snow they are calling for over the weekend too I doubt this snow will be enough. As much as I love my kiddos a few extra days of Christmas break would make me extremely happy! :) I start back on the clomid on Sunday. I didn't really have any symptoms from it last time (except maybe headaches which I get all the time anyway) so I hope I don't get them this time. Especially since it is right at Christmas time.

CD 1

CD 1... not much else to say.

No news is good news?

I'm so sure she is coming today but she hasn't yet. Come on stay away AF & temp spike tomorrow! PLEASE!!!!

Don't think there will be a 10dpo...

Well my temp dropped again today. I think today will be CD 1 not 10 dpo. I hate short lps... can I even get pregnant with them? I felt so good about this cycle... My poor dh came to me this morning because I had told him I was going to test and said did you temp? I said yep and I will be starting today so no test. He looked so disapointed.... I think he really thought this cycle was it too. Ugh, I hate CD 1. Esepcially when it hasn't started but you know it is coming. On to the next cycle I guess. At least this one wasn't super long & the clomid made me O on day 18.

Unexpected Snow Day!

We are having a snow day here so no school! Woohoo!! Unfortunately that gives me a whole day at home by myself to obsess over my symptoms! My temp was down again today... ugh. But, even though I am not good at checking my cervix... last cycle the day before AF started I tried and thought I felt it low.... and sure enough she showed the next day. I checked this morning & couldn't find it so I'm thinking it is still high so at least I might not start tomorrow. I could start as early as tomorrow since my lps are anywhere from 9-12 days. My temps do not look like they have ever looked before though. My temps are usually beautiful... they go up, up, up until it comes down for AF. This time not so beautiful... maybe ugly is my pregnancy chart! LOL. I can hope! I will test tomorrow with an IC. Have a great day everyone!

8dpo... temp drop!

Well I had a temp drop today... ugh. Don't like it! I am still having the occasional pinching feeling in my left side. I also have been extremely impatient and moody the last two days. I have had absolutely no patience. DH took me out last night and I got so mad at the waitress I almost said something to her over the dumbest thing. I am NEVER like that.... never, ever get angry at a waitress because I used to be one and would NEVER say anything. Luckily, dh woke me out of the stupor before I said something I would regret. I also have been eating constantly. All this said, it could all be symptoms of AF... after all my temp did drop today! My lp lasts anywhere from 9-12 days typically so I could be starting as early as Tuesday...ugh!

7dpo

Can I test, can I test? haha! I'm not going to test today but maybe tomorrow. I know that is crazy & it will be BFN but I just want to TEST! I might do an opk today just out of curiousity & to get my testing fix! haha... my temp went up today but I did take it later than I usually do. I turned my alarm off, didn't temp, and went back to sleep. An hour & 20 minutes later I wake up and realize I didn't temp so I did it then. I went ahead and put it in but put the different time so it gave me an open circle. My chart is pretty... unfortunately it always looks pretty after O. I always get super high temps after O until the ugly witch decides to show her face. No more pinching feeling in my side today like I had yesterday but today I woke up super gassy & with a backache. Since then I have gotten a headache... ugh! I hope these are symptoms of a BFP coming & not just my body playing tricks on me. Come on please let this be it...

6 dpo... what do you think?

Here is my chart... what do you think? :) I think it looks pretty decent so far.... and not really like how it typically looks. Today I have been having this weird thing going on in my side where it feels like something is squeezing me (left side right above my hipbone). Not sure what it is. I hate all the symptoms that you get during this time whether you are pregnant or not... it really messes with your brain!

5dpo

I love counting the days after I O because the bigger they get the closer I am to knowing if I am pregnant or starting fresh if I'm not. 5dpo today.... super hungry (for some reason I always get this way after O though) and also want to clean everything in sight. This is also a normal pre-AF symptom for me but it is normally a day or two before AF shows... hopefully she isn't showing in a day or two. Hopefully she isn't showing for 9 months or so... :) Work is still stressful but I am just putting that drama in God's hands and trying to be positive. I can't let this stress work its toll on my body even if I'm not making a baby I don't need it. I refuse to let it get to me. My chart looks different this cycle than it ever has. I hope this is a good thing and is not just because of the clomid. Come on let me be making a BABY!!!

Sometimes I think stress is my middle name...

Why oh why does life have to be stressful sometimes? Work is super stressful & it has NOTHING to do with teaching or the kids. It has to do with all the extra stuff that comes with it.... especially the politics. Ugh! I am trying my best not to stress about all this stuff and just relax but it is hard! On the ttc front I am now 4dpo & ready to test already! haha! I won't but I hate the wait... I'm so impatient. I've been having some major abdominal pains today but I have pains in it every cycle after O but it feels different this time. Who knows!

3dpo

I am now 3dpo & have SOLID crosshairs. The last two cycles I got dotted ones so yay for solid crosshairs! I love being able to see the crosshairs... that is when it really hits me that I could possibly find out I'm pregnant in about 2 weeks. I really hope this is it! I know I say & think that every cycle but I feel so good about this one. Even though I was doing all the normal stuff + the clomid, it felt more relaxed this cycle. I would love to conceive from a relaxed and positive cycle like this one. It is only 3dpo so of course no symptoms but I am slightly concerned about how high my coverline is. It isn't usually that high but we will see...

O!! :)

I O'd... and early! Woohoo!! :) The clomid worked! It also worked out great that we went away this weekend which it just so happens to be when I O'd. We had a perfect getaway and I feel so great about our chances this cycle. I know it is really possible that I don't get pregnant this cycle but I feel really great about it this time for some reason. Now I am officially in the 2ww. Please let this be it for me!!

Well...

This will probably be my last blog for a few days. DH and I are going away for the weekend! I am so excited to be getting away! It will be great. I'm hoping that maybe O will even come while we are gone. I have been having major EWCM the last two days but my OPKs have been negative.... close to positive... but negative. Come on O! :)