CD 12

Here is my CD 12 OPK....  not positive but close! Sorry about it being blurry! Can't wait to see when I o this cycle! :)

Merry Christmas!

Last night was wonderful. We had Christmas with my whole family. It was tons of fun seeing all the family... especially all the adorable kiddos that I don't get to see very often! It was a weird feeling thinking that possibly by next Christmas I could have a baby! One of my cousins (male one at that) asked us last night when we were going to have one.... it is so awkward. I don't want to be like "well we are humping as much as possible but it just isn't happening." lol! After Christmas there I went back to my brother's and helped him & his fiance get the kids to bed & set up Santa stuff. That was so much fun! I told dh when we left can you believe we might be doing this NEXT year if I get pregnant in the next few months we will have a sweet bundle of joy next Christmas!

Today we don't have very many plans until the afternoon... we are going to see what Santa brought my niece and nephews and having Christmas with dad. Then tonight Christmas at my mom's. We have already done Christmas with all of his family.

I hope all of you are having a wonderful Christmas!!

Sometimes...

Sometimes I get so caught up on the day to day drama that I forget to stop to remember all the beauty and happiness I have in my life. I get caught up in the stresses of the every day and especially in trying to get pregnant and forget all the wonderful things I am so fortunate to have. It takes a few days off from the world to really understand that.... to really get it. I have a wonderful life, family, friends, and the best husband a girl could ask for. I have a beautiful house, a wonderful job, and a very loyal and caring dog. I am happy! I wish I could just see this more often and be happy for all these wonderful things and not sweat the small stuff. Everything works out in the end. I will be a mom one day... whether we have one naturally, with IVF, adopt...I will be a mom which will only add to the great life I already have. Sorry if this was so cliche or corny. Most of my posts are so depressing and down because I always pour out my deepest feelings that I don't like to talk about out loud on here. I figured it was about time to discuss how happy and lucky I truly am.

Christmas Break!

It feels so good to be on Christmas break! Woohoo!! We got out at 12 today... the kids were absolutely wild so I hope they get all of their energy out before coming back in January! lol! I have so many things I want to get done over break I thought I would make a list here so then after break is over I can check to see how many of them are actually done...

1. Finish grading papers & put in gradebook
2. Revamp classroom website
3. Work on lesson plans
4. Type letter about student
5. Write thank you cards to my students for my Christmas gifts
6. Clean the house
7. Clean & organize office & spare bedroom
8. Finish reading Safe Haven
9. Start & maybe finish a new book
10. Ovulate and get pregnant (LOL)

I really hope to be able to accomplish most of those over break... especially #10. If I O on day 18 like last cycle I will be o'ing on January 1st. I'm hoping to make a new year's baby! That would also give me a due date of 9-24! I'm a September baby so maybe I'm supposed to have a September baby!

ramblings of a crazy person....

My title says ramblings of a crazy person because today that is honestly how I feel.... crazy. After reading what I typed I decided it made no sense and sounded like a crazy person had typed it. There... consider yourself warned.

1/2 day left and I am officially out for Christmas break! I am super excited. It also helped that today was a 2 hour delay so shorter than it was supposed to be. We will not be doing anything tomorrow except partying and watching a movie!!

I took my second dose of clomid today... definitely think it is making me moody... or maybe I'm just moody. But today I have had extreme highs & lows... on the verge of crying one second when a teacher was telling me to make sure I tried to plan when I decided I was ready to have a baby and that I didn't have a  baby due any time near Christmas because it just wasn't fair to the kid, then happy and blissful thinking about Christmas break, then on the verge of crying agin when a teacher that doesn't know I'm trying to get pregnant asked me if I was pregnant because I had "the look", then angry when my aid once again stepped on my toes, and the list goes on and on. I know moods change frequently but I have been having extreme changes today. Speaking of moods I just recently heard a quote on one of my favorite shows (One Tree Hill) that I absolutely fell in love with... "Happiness is a mood, not a destination." This is so true... don't always work hard to strive for happiness... enjoy it when you have it and it is ok not to be happy all the time.

clomid, goals, & mil

Today is day one of my second month of clomid. I hope it works as well or better for me than last time. Last time I O'd on day 18 which was a huge improvement from my usual O of day 26-57. I can only hope this time we actually get pregnant. I have been feeling kind of down lately that I am not pregnant yet. I had set all these timelines that I would be pregnant by or I would have a baby by... and they are all coming & going quickly. I thought I would be pregnant by my birthday... that is out.... by Christmas... that is out. Then I thought well I will have a baby by my next birthday.... that is out. Now I'm just hoping to have a baby by next Christmas. That gives us a few more months. I know I shouldn't set goals like that because  I really have no control over whether it comes true or not but I am a very goal oriented person. I have set goals all my life.  I am also the type that works really hard to make sure my goals happen so I think that is part of the reason I have been so down. I am trying to not feel so down and be positive but ttc is harder than I ever imagined it would be. I think once I get through Christmas I will feel better. I was just so hoping to be able to tell people at Christmas that I was pregnant and not being able to do that is really hard.

We told his mom last night that we were ttc. We decided it was time to tell her. It was actually kind of funny because after we decided to tell her she made a comment about us having a baby. She doesn't usually say anything to us and just says... when the time is right.

A little background to understand the comment: She is a big smoker and smokes inside her house. We hate to go over there because you can't breath in there and leave smelling like smoke. DH has been telling her for years that when we have kids they will not be going into that house because of her smoking in it. Mean, I know, but we have to look out for the health of our kids. She has said all along that she would quit once we had a baby.

Back to the story: So last night we were having his family's Christmas party at his grandma's house and she went outside to smoke. DH made a comment about her needing to quit and she said I will quit when you give me a grandbaby. Of course this led to everyone saying yeah... when is that going to happen (complete awkward situation). So after the party we went back to her house and told her we were trying and had been trying since July. I think she was very shocked. She immediately started looking at ways to quit smoking online. I can only hope that she actually follows through with this.

I am not a drinker...

This is obvious by the splitting headache I have this morning. I went out last night for my friend's birthday (yes the same friend that upset me) and had a drink at the resteraunt. Then when I got home I decided to fix myself another drink after all there is no way I was pregnant since it was only day 3 of my cycle. So I had another drink. This morning I have a POUNDING headache... ick! I haven't had a drink since I started trying to get pregnant though... so I haven't had a drink in roughly 6 months. I've never been a big drinker just a drink here or there but wow... do I feel like crap this morning.
On another note... *this may be TMI for some of you so close out if you don't want to hear details about AF*. I started AF on Wednesday and had major cramps and medium flow, Thursday it was very light and by afternoon I wasn't even spotting, Friday nothing. I have been very *cough, cough* frisky the last two days and dh and I ended up bd'ing Thursday night and Friday night and not even a drop of blood when I went to the bathroom afterwards. So basically I had a day and a half of bleeding. I typically have 3-5 days of AF. So what the heck is going on? I looked online and saw where clomid could shorten AF... but by that much? I have two more months of clomid prescribed so I plan on talking to the dr after I finish them if I'm not pregnant.