clomid, goals, & mil

Today is day one of my second month of clomid. I hope it works as well or better for me than last time. Last time I O'd on day 18 which was a huge improvement from my usual O of day 26-57. I can only hope this time we actually get pregnant. I have been feeling kind of down lately that I am not pregnant yet. I had set all these timelines that I would be pregnant by or I would have a baby by... and they are all coming & going quickly. I thought I would be pregnant by my birthday... that is out.... by Christmas... that is out. Then I thought well I will have a baby by my next birthday.... that is out. Now I'm just hoping to have a baby by next Christmas. That gives us a few more months. I know I shouldn't set goals like that because  I really have no control over whether it comes true or not but I am a very goal oriented person. I have set goals all my life.  I am also the type that works really hard to make sure my goals happen so I think that is part of the reason I have been so down. I am trying to not feel so down and be positive but ttc is harder than I ever imagined it would be. I think once I get through Christmas I will feel better. I was just so hoping to be able to tell people at Christmas that I was pregnant and not being able to do that is really hard.

We told his mom last night that we were ttc. We decided it was time to tell her. It was actually kind of funny because after we decided to tell her she made a comment about us having a baby. She doesn't usually say anything to us and just says... when the time is right.

A little background to understand the comment: She is a big smoker and smokes inside her house. We hate to go over there because you can't breath in there and leave smelling like smoke. DH has been telling her for years that when we have kids they will not be going into that house because of her smoking in it. Mean, I know, but we have to look out for the health of our kids. She has said all along that she would quit once we had a baby.

Back to the story: So last night we were having his family's Christmas party at his grandma's house and she went outside to smoke. DH made a comment about her needing to quit and she said I will quit when you give me a grandbaby. Of course this led to everyone saying yeah... when is that going to happen (complete awkward situation). So after the party we went back to her house and told her we were trying and had been trying since July. I think she was very shocked. She immediately started looking at ways to quit smoking online. I can only hope that she actually follows through with this.