I did a bad thing...

We are having a snow day so I have too much time at home to think. I had an EPT Digi that will be expiring next month left over from a 2 pack I bought a while back before ttc so I decided hey why not waste it by taking it at 9dpo. Yes, I know I said I was waiting until 10dpo to test BUT I couldn't resist. Now of course I'm feeling down that it was a BFN. The word Not is laughing at me... .I also took an IC and there is NOTHING... not even an evap to analyze. I'm really dissapointed. I know realistically that it is early and I've been trying my best not to get my hopes up but I have. I want to be pregnant. I know a lot of people have been ttc with no luck longer than me but I am so done with it. I hate timed bd'ing.... I hate having to wake up every morning to temp and taking clomid.... and opks hoping and praying the lines will be the same for days. I hate being let down month after month. I know it isn't over yet but now I just feel like it is. I'm sorry for the negativity and I'll be ok... it is just frustrating!